so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
