I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
is that a dick in a sweater?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
