david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
