i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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