i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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