I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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