it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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