no, he came in my armpit
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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