Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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