Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
40s are totally the cure
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
