She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
