im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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