I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
