I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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