dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
