bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
