I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
