The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
