dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Enjoy the penises
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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