his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
