my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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