Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
