The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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