my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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