I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
