I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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