Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
