I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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