I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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