Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
