Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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