i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
