she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
