God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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