Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
