sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
