Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
