so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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