i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
