We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We got so high we made milksteak
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
