Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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