I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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