I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
