I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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