what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
