Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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