my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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