I wish I only lived at night.
I looked at my own cervix.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
