If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just want nice things and good sex
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
