Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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