I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
