i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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