2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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