Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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