It's Friday. Sex?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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